Monuments Men

April 2, 2014 Leave a comment

Two of My Favorite Guys: Bill and Charlie

Two of My Favorite Guys: Bill and Charlie

I seem to reference funny men in my blog, but one in particular holds a rather special place in my heart.  Who would’ve thought I would be saying this about the man who was Dr.  Peter Venkman in “Ghostbusters,”  Tripper in “Meatballs” or John Winger in “Stripes,” but it makes perfect ironic sense.

It wasn’t, however, when actor Bill Murray played Bob Harris in Sofia Coppola’s “Lost in Translation,” which would become one of my all-time favorite films, that he gained a foothold in my consciousness.  “Mr. Harris,” as my friend Salli and I would simply call him, is the older, well-intentioned man who, I believe, teaches young-ish, smart adult women what love is and, most importantly, the twists and turns we should expect from life.  It’s okay not to know everything and especially to stand in one’s own truth, particularly in a relationship.

But Mr. Murray, not only Mr. Harris, is mindful of these things, among others, as he framed them in an hour-long chat with supreme interviewer Charlie Rose.  While it’s said a woman’s first male role model is typically her father, my penchant for men of a certain age is more indicative of how I learned to accept that daddy sometimes does know best.  He has my own interests at heart, despite intuiting it in ways I didn’t completely understand at the time.

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Our Selfie, Our Selves

March 3, 2014 Leave a comment

IMG_1867 IMG_1869

I  found the selfie button on my smartphone, and with that a bit of self-reflection on where to go from here.   It would be naive of me to believe I would return to pre-economic meltdown of 2008.  But I remember having plans that had to be placed on hold until better days.  And I believe these are better days.

But I suppose too much has already passed, being forced out of my comfort zone more often than I would’ve preferred, which led to a clearer, more advanced understanding of myself that to even entertain the notion of returning to the past would be going backwards. For instance, I was moved to certain action by a father’s blog last month on the messages that mainstream women’s magazines send out to young women, particularly his daughter.

Dr. Kelly Flanagan writes on the buzzword “naked”: The world wants you to take your clothes off. Please keep them on. But take your gloves off. Pull no punches. Say what is in your heart. Be vulnerable. Embrace risk. Love a world that barely knows what it means to love itself. Do so nakedly. Openly. With abandon.

I guess the Heraclitus quote applies here:  No one ever steps in the same river twice, for it is not the same river and you are not the same person.  Obviously with a new job and a different social landscape, I am not in Kansas anymore.  Friends are suddenly in various locations, and greater coordination is required to be together.  People appear for one purpose and unceremoniously vanish, only to reappear for a re-purpose of sorts.  It’s hard to make heads or tails out of anything lately, but probably the best way to look at it is in song from one of my favorite movie musicals “Victor/Victoria”:

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A Sea Change

February 15, 2014 Leave a comment

Harnessing the constant movement of life is a tricky feat.

Harnessing the constant movement of life is a tricky feat.

Change regardless how simple does shake one’s equilibrium.  It’s like having a new body.  I have to re-orient myself to a better way of living, more in the affirmative rather than having to hide my talents, needs and authentic self for fear of rejection.  I know this sounds so Oprah-ish. I guess I am volunteering to fill some of the void since she is no longer part of the collective consciousness on a regular basis.

Perhaps the trick is to simply sit on a rock and be.

Perhaps the solution is to simply perch on a rock and be.

As this new phase in my life is taking shape, it has also opened up more “space,” which I’m tempted to fill.  However, I’m mindful of that at times it’s just best to leave it alone and accept it for all its simplicity and what it could teach me–to be.

It’s something I haven’t intentionally paid attention to when I had to put my focus on, say, work, and I had to create opportunities, as minuscule as they were at the time, that cumulatively led to pivotal breakthroughs until a major one presented itself.  I know this is getting way too philosophical.  But the fact I have a choice between the two or a panoply of options puts me in an unusual, dare I say, power position, that I’m slowly yet surely figuring out how to handle.

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Feeling Bookish

January 29, 2014 Leave a comment

IMG_1820When one part of life comes together, it is my natural inclination to shore up another portion that may have been left behind.  But like anything else, a resolution doesn’t happen overnight.

So when I feel stumped about anything, I typically turn to family and friends, and a good laugh would sometimes even do.  But this time around required something more of the brick and mortar kind.  So I jumped on the bus and headed to Pacific Heights for Browser Books to retrieve a book I briefly scanned while I was there one weekend but didn’t buy.  I lingered and leafed through a few more books before purchasing, and slowly my ill feelings started to ebb.  It’s comforting to know a good bookstore worth its heft, no matter how technology renders it obsolete, still has the power to anchor me when uncertainty sends me adrift.

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Paris in December

December 29, 2013 2 Comments

Yes, it is sitting on a wooden wine box.

Yes, it is sitting on a wooden wine box.

A year ago it was so difficult to allow myself to find joy around this time of year, but I look around and see it so much more clearly now.  As another song goes, love is all around.

I removed from storage a framed collage of photos of my Paris trip long ago and set it prominently on my shelf as a reminder of happy days–they are here again.  The pop songs never seem to end.

But I suppose what I’m trying to convey, at least to myself, is to keep things simple and light.  I know it’s easier said than done.  But when I push through a hardship, it’s important to focus on what is so good about being alive.

And then an interesting thing happened to me at the end of this year:  I landed a new job.  It was the Christmas gift I was waiting and hoping for.  In another moment of reflection, I remember a friend telling me to be sure I am running toward something as opposed to running away from a situation.  I’m happy to report it is the former.  Right now it does feel like Paris In December.

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In Memoriam

December 15, 2013 Leave a comment

Chicago1My 92-year-old paternal grandmother and my dad’s closest friend passed away last month before Thanksgiving, and I’m reminded of one of my favorite Robert Frost poems, “My November Guest,” which starts:

“MY Sorrow, when she’s here with me,
Thinks these dark days of autumn rain
Are beautiful as days can be;
She loves the bare, the withered tree;
She walks the sodden pasture lane.”

It was a disorienting feeling–sad but not entirely surprising since they were both in failing health.  Nonetheless, their passing compelled me to take stock in my own life and to reflect how best I am making the most of my time in the here and now.  This is the mindset I am bringing to the holidays, particularly with my family, and I’ve noticed our relationship has deepened, and my attention is focused on the things that are really important.   As the year winds down, I feel more relaxed, celebratory even.

These realizations are pretty standard following the death of a loved one, but I supposed what really surprised me was the outpouring of sympathies from those outside my family, whom I would imagined wouldn’t even care, let alone showed the kind of compassion reserved for a close friend or relative.  I guess I have to recalibrate my expectations of people.  Death is universal–it catches up with everyone one way or another; and the element of surprise is a gift.

“Not yesterday I learned to know
The love of bare November days
Before the coming of the snow,
But it were vain to tell her so,
And they are better for her praise.”

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The Forest from the Trees

November 4, 2013 1 Comment

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Sometimes I am so focused on the minutiae of my life that I don’t see the forest from the trees.  But now I am beginning to see where I had come and where I am going.  Perhaps driving this a-ha moment is a new month whose arrival assuredly signals the ending of another year, or gaining an extra hour in the day gives the impression of having more time.

Whatever the case may be, it has been a long, strange journey at times marked by more sleepless nights that I could remember.  During one of them, I was surfing on the net and came across Conan O’Brien’s commencement speech to Dartmouth University’s class of 2011.  In closing, he said, “Work hard, be kind and amazing things will happen.”

I’ve certainly put in lots of effort to return to some kind of equilibrium and distributed enough good will and faith to those I’ve met. I guess the amazing thing is surviving and the relief of getting through situations relatively unscathed.  As I get older, I appreciate these moments so much more–even more than words can say.

 

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Her Journey So Far

October 17, 2013 Leave a comment

Lea Salonga

 Tony Award-winner Lea Salonga delighted fans in a rare concert in San Francisco to kick off Filipino American Heritage Month.

It is apparently a rare occurrence to have the international Broadway and movie musical star Lea Salonga perform in the San Francisco Bay Area, since she’s a self-proclaimed New Yorker who divides her time between the Big Apple and the Philippines.  So it was a treat for the mostly Filipino American crowd that packed the Nourse Auditorium in the city a few weeks ago to welcome the singing sensation, in time for Filipino American Heritage Month.

PhilDev, a non-profit that develops programs to support initiatives cultivating economic growth in the Philippines through science and technology, brought Ms. Salonga to the City by the Bay  for a one night-only benefit gala.  It was a kind of a reintroduction since her whirlwind success in the 1990s.  She has certainly grown into her own, using the cabaret-style format to illustrate the trajectory of her career from the age of seven to a mellow 42-year-old.

“I’ve learned through characters,” Ms. Salonga explained in between songs.  “I am grateful for the work, even on a rickety stage and an iffy sound system somewhere in the Philippines.”  She said her perspective of the world has changed as a woman, a friend, mother and daughter, adding she is less judgmental.

Her song selection came from her 2011 CD “The Journey So Far,” a mix of musical numbers, American standards, pop and Filipino songs, that was spun from her 2010 limited-run singing engagement in New York City’s Cafe Carlyle.  She also dedicated a portion of her performance to the rich history of Filipino Americans here, referencing literary icon Carlos Bulosan in the song “Long Season.”  With age, her exquisite voice has found more range as she determinedly knocked out Stephen Sondheim’s vocally challenging “I Don’t Want to Get Married” from his musical “Company.”

The concert lasted roughly two hours, minus a half-hour or so intermission, and the sold-out audience was unquestionably sated by night’s end, with some of course wanting more.  Fans stood in a line that snaked out the venue’s doors into the courtyard, waiting for an autograph.

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Sense Memory

September 11, 2013 Leave a comment

My only photo of the World Trade Center in a cab; Lower Manhattan was not quite the night life my friends and I sought in the city, but the Twin Towers served as my landmark, when I would catch glimpses of their familiar, discernible shape while aimlessly roaming, especially on a day trip during college. I took it for granted they would always be there.

I remember where I was that awful day 12 years ago, temping at an academic doctor’s office and reading on the internet when the World Trade Center towers fell.  Even though I was told me I could leave early after the entire office learned of the news, I stayed a little while longer in denial of the horrific tragedy that transpired.  I also didn’t want to be alone.  Of course, the first thing I did was call my parents since they were still working in the federal building, no less, in Pittsburgh.  I couldn’t be too sure after hearing Flight 93 had gone down in Shanksville, which was a few hours away, but thankfully they were safe.

It wasn’t until I met up with my friend Salli that evening when I was able to find some kind of release and solace, not so much in tears but rather in song.  We went for karaoke to lighten our spirits, and it no doubt helped.

Last Sunday, “60 Minutes” reported on the 9/11 museum set to open next year, and I am struck by how that day still feels so raw with me.  Like this time of the year, I am often reminded of the transition from summer to fall  (I grew up in the East Coast after all; it’s in my DNA) and of such places as New York City and Washington, DC that I’ve visited so often and therefore have become part of my own personal travelogue.  I live in the West Coast, but 9/11 still hits close to my other home, where more than a corner of my heart continues to reside.

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Grace of My Heart

August 25, 2013 Leave a comment

Hanna?

Could this pup be my beloved Hanna?

I chronicled being rehired by a past employer a year ago and since then, some interesting episodes have occurred that really do not need any in the way of explanation just acceptance.  As a friend said,  spiritual awakenings can only mean good things.

In Catholic school, I was taught grace as “God’s life in us,” but I was never consciously aware how it was playing a role in my life until now.  There is an invisible hand that is somehow encouraging and moving me through each day.  For instance, I wondered whether the dog outside Hillstone’s restaurant was the same canine playing on the lawn seven years ago.  It had the same color fur but looked leaner.   It was too much to ask for it to be the golden retriever that often lifted my workdays.   However, it is a comfort, knowing there is indeed grace to give proper perspective and a ray of hope in an often cold and heartless world.

The Road Less Traveled I returned to a book I had previously read called “The Road Less Traveled” by M. Scott Peck,  M.D., and it speaks to me even more profoundly today, as I absorbed whole passages while waiting for an oil change one weekend.   I followed it up with Phil Stutz and Barry Michel’s “The Tools,” which teaches how to get unstuck and be more of a creator rather than a reactor in life.  Their ideas actually support Dr. Peck’s more than 30 years ago, although they center more on practical methods over on-the-couch self-analysis.

Life is difficult, this much is true.  The whole point is to get through it with the proper tools and coping skills and grow from challenges and failures.  Oftentimes, we want a magic pill to make everything better when in fact there really is none.  We just have to get on with it and carry on because the joy on the other side is commensurate to or may even exceed how much we had to struggle.

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