An Inner Game of Catch

January 24, 2017 Leave a comment

Now my nephew fits into this equation.

Now my nephew fits into this equation. (photo by Rhodora Ayuyang)

It’s no secret to those who know me that I love sports due to my brother who realized the chances of having a brother were very slim.  So as the closest sibling, I was relatively his equal–more or less shaping me to be one–teaching me every sport he played.  One of my favorite things to do with him was playing catch in our front yard, more than likely because it was a relaxing remove from the competitive nature of sports. 
Taken by one of those friends who see me as me.

Taken by one of my friends who see me as me from the Apple Store on Union Square in San Francisco, CA; the two-level retractable glass door is a stunning design element.

 


I am reminded of an essay by Roger Rosenblatt “A Game of Catch”: “It’s hard to learn to play catch,” he writes.  “In the beginning, you use your arms to cradle the ball against your chest; then you use both hands, then one.” The natural flow of this carefree play wasn’t lost on MLB batting leaders at the time:  “Wade Boggs and Don Mattingly tossed a ball between them without a trace of effort, bodies rearing up and pivoting gently in a casual parody of a pitcher’s full windup toward the plate. … It was interesting to note even at their level, this was still a game of catch.” 


Connecting the bond between father and son and parenthood, it also points to the universal need to be understood and how it could be accomplished by very few words, like some of my closest friendships.  It is rather nice, for lack of a better word, and welcoming that nothing has to be spoken.  There is no talking to death, no need for gruesome or superfluous details, just the reassuring silence that I am seen by someone, and it requires very little conversation. 

Filed under In My Life, Philosophical Tagged with , , , , , ,

The Soul in Architecture

January 16, 2017 7 Comments

moorish-windowsvenices-own-leaning-towermorning-tour-heading-toward-the-academia
A plaza opened before us on our way to the Academia museum in Venice.

I read an article last year about what architecture means to some well-known practitioners in the industry, and it made me reflect what drew me to my current situation with an interior architecture firm.  I wondered why I hadn’t pursued design in the first place, what took me off track.  When I was 11 and I had my own room, I decided to be creative with some corrugated cardboard and reclaimed toy pieces to create tables.  But it felt more like a passing fancy.  As I got older, a new passion took over and held my interest to this day. Maybe discovering and articulating the soul in architecture is the purpose of being here, while working on the financial and legal side.

s-marco-sign

It is said architecture is an expression of one’s world view.  It speaks to me none more so than in the confluence of cultures in restored Venetian building facades, and Venice’s plazas, San Marco being the ultimate manifestation of the public “living room” in an increasingly socially isolated world. Its cozy alleys that smack of claustrophobia, which if you let the discomfort pass, offer a level of intimacy that is rather personal, homey even. venetian-flag

Like the bustling under the windows of our pensionado during my 2008 trip there with my mom and sister, the pitter-patter of foot traffic was more a soothing murmur, not the profane cacophony of a major metropolis.  It was rather welcoming, the ambient sounds that would lull me into an eventual nap that afternoon.Serenissima room

st-mark-and-mom

photo by Rhodora Ayuyang

 

Filed under In My Life, Italy, Philosophical, Travel, Venice, Writing Tagged with , , ,

In my Absence

November 27, 2016 Leave a comment

img_4303

Sign of the Times: Chapel of the Chimes

Gosh, I look back at some of my blog posts up to date, and I realize I miss writing, like an old boyfriend or friend (none of which is mutually exclusive). As I see how other people’s lives unfold, I am aware I am living my own these last ten months. Much has happened in 2016, and while I’m inclined to bookend chapters in my life, it often plays out without a convenient break. Refusing to fit neatly in a tidy box, it is a messy proposition and overflows sometimes rather rapidly.

Having said that, I can’t promise fidelity to regular monthly entries, although I will try. Writing is a solitary, difficult endeavor when forced. It can’t often express everything inside me, although I love it so.

img_4305

Filed under In My Life, Philosophical, The Bay Area, Writing Tagged with , ,

Simple Pleasures

January 31, 2016 Leave a comment

Arrabiata pizza with farm fresh egg at my local Italian joint Gialina.
January has proven to be a gentle month after the bluster of December, and simplicity is the key.  I am grateful for what I have and even not have: no drama on the personal or professional front. I don’t have to come at life like an ambitious crime-fighter on a TV procedural.  Sometimes it’s just taking myself out to dinner or Happy Hour and appreciating what’s in front of me, whether it’s an Arrabiata pizza topped with a farm-fresh egg and later a rare dessert at my neighborhood joint Gialina or grilled calamari at Woodhouse Fish Company after a doctor’s appointment.  Whatever the case may be, this weekend before a new month is about doing absolutely nothing, no deadlines to meet or anyone to accommodate, but me.

 

Filed under In My Life, Philosophical, The Bay Area Tagged with , , , ,

2015 in Review

December 30, 2015 Leave a comment

IMG_3638I am thinking lately where I was same time last year and remember feeling fair–that at least I was still intact, moving forward and finishing strong.  I would say the same is true for this year but so much more.  As 2015 progressed, I was growing more into my authentic self.  It is indeed a liberating experience. Once there is acceptance, the pace picks up, and life is a rolling stone going downhill.  I feel the power of the present with the notion that my life is also just ahead of me.  I think of my young nephews and how fearless, rambunctious and magical they are–so much hope living inside of them.  I see the goodness of this existence, and I don’t want to miss it anymore because quite frankly it’s much too short to be feeling otherwise.  Here’s hoping 2016 is another adventure, whether it’s crossing a long desert or wide ocean, let it be one more journey to the center of my soul.

IMG_3644 (2)

Child’s Play: Our last day in Hawai’i

Filed under Hawai'i, In My Life, Philosophical, The Bay Area Tagged with , , , ,

Je Suis Paix

November 30, 2015 Leave a comment

St. Benedict The Painted Church

St. Benedict, The Painted Church

As is often the case when I’m feeling blue or even trying to fill time, my last trip to Paris was my touchstone.  And now as my beloved City of Light is a victim of terror, I stand with her since she was my respite at the end of one of my worst years.  While I would lean on that trip 15 years ago to center me, other places I’ve discovered since are also instrumental in keeping me sane.DSC02182

A highlight on my recent trip to Kona in Hawai’i was a historic landmark in Kealakekua known as the Painted Church or St. Benedict Roman Catholic Church.  The moniker was given due to its colorful interior of biblical figures and stories rendered by the parish priest Father John in the mid-1800s. When we drove up, it had started to rain, turning to mist, just as it would in Paris or once in Berkeley when I would fall in love for the first time.

Colorful Interior

        Colorful Interior

The moment was both enchanting and spiritual, and I was most present and connected with my fellow travelers, this time with my brother, his wife, my nephew and my parents, just as I was with those whom I went on my Paris trip.  I remember being at a younger age not having the foresight how my life would be as I got older, perhaps because I didn’t know how long I would live.  But if there is one constant through the years, it is my family, and I would count on them for the spiritual love that I am seeking.

 

 

Filed under Hawai'i, In My Life, Paris, Philosophical, Travel Tagged with , , , ,

If I Could Always Be Here

October 26, 2015 Leave a comment

Island State of Mind: Kohala Coast
    Island State of Mind: Kohala Coast

There are various stories to tell as I peruse my journaling during my vacation in Kona, Hawai’i: parents who cannot unplug from the rest of the world; a playful, incorrigible six-year-old nephew; a second honeymoon for my brother and his wife.  I would be burying the lead if I don’t include the adventures of a single daughter traveling with her retired folks, but that’s for a future book.  For the intents and purposes of this blog, what I’m after in October is how I’ve embraced doing virtually nothing but relaxing and simply being–something a city gal like me has difficulty wrapping her arms, much less her head, around.

In an effort to be more Zen

My effort to be more Zen

The surprise of Hawai’i is how much I love it, much the same way I feel about Paris and Italy.  But my takeaway is tinged with much less sorrow as though I would never see it again.  Only a mindset away, I can be a beach bum anytime I want to get away.  Quite frankly, I could do it for months, years even.  My trip forced me to think how I would want my life to be going forward–no more running on fumes as a result of a protracted daily grind and steady stream of stunning morons and smooth operators that have worn the soul dry.  The outflow, I hope, is the life I am meant to lead–less stress, more serenity, love, humor and fulfillment on every level in the chaos and messiness of reality–the measure of living without regrets.  Then, maybe, just maybe, when retirement eventually arrives, I won’t have to pinch myself as though in a dream to be in this paradise again.

Filed under Hawai'i, In My Life, Philosophical, Travel Tagged with , , , , , , ,

Return to Me

July 4, 2015 Leave a comment

Reborn on the 4th of July

Reborn on the 4th of July

I was catching up on my Marvel Comics movies that included Captain America and finally saw the last “Iron Man” installation with Robert Downey, Jr.  Much to my surprise, I related to his panic attacks and anxiety after, I’m assuming, his adventures with the superheroes of S.H.I.E.L.D.  But the line that resonated with me was when he turned to an ex-lover to say, “At least, in the mornings I wake up to a person … with a soul.
The first half of the year, I was meeting men who were more or less soul-less.  With a month in mid-way through the year, I made it the cutting-off point to aim higher.  One of them even told me I was looking for Superman.  Quite frankly, my retort is why the hell not?  The Man of Steel at his core stood for truth, justice and the American Way.  Like Iron Man, he was still at work in progress.
Back to placid waters
Back to placid waters
So I am once again returning to me, armed with more experience and the wisdom of formerly divorced women friends whose advice is to slow down and have patience.  I must keep a sense of humor, fill my mind with more positive thoughts and–never mind the destination–be and enjoy the journey.

 

 

Filed under In My Life, Philosophical Tagged with , , , , ,

Doing Good

June 29, 2015 Leave a comment

Time to Take Flight in the Second Half of 2015

Time to Take Flight in the Second Half of 2015 (in Lolo Cevicheria in the Mission)

I used to write often, but now other things have taken precedence, for instance, self-improvement and catching up financially after the Great Recession.  But it doesn’t mean I’m not fulfilling my purpose in my life.  I’m where I’m supposed to be, and for a change, it feels good.  It feels right.  Often connecting to this energy takes plenty of effort.  However, there are moments when it’s easy-peasy, when I’m in the right place at the right time.

I went to an art show early this month for the nonprofit Swords to Plowshares and bumped into my old boss, its executiveIMG_3374 director.  Meeting him after a few years was meaningful in a way I didn’t expect in the sense that I could and should perhaps think about giving some of my time to a good cause.  I’m not sure what that is just yet, however, I imagine there are a slew of them needing my skills and experience gratis.

So this is the mindset coming out of a moment that saw the Golden State Warriors pull out Game 4 in the NBA Finals and eventually win the title after 40 years.  As I separate from the first half of the year, new and interesting avenues are opening up for me to explore and once again move forward.

Filed under Brass Ring 2.0, In My Life, Philosophical, The Bay Area Tagged with , , ,

Cold Light of Day

April 29, 2015 Leave a comment

Life Is WeirdIn the cold light of day, a situation that once brought pleasure but now disturbs, leads to a moment of clarity, giving way to comfort in that clear-eyed view.

I must say at this point in my life, I arrive to certain conclusions more swiftly, largely due to experience and more knowledge and ways to access it than I could at times bear.

But this is living, which I have to accept, and I have to learn or discover the joy inside of it.  Or as Sarah Ban Breathnach wrote on this day in Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy: “There’s certainly enough mystery to ponder–such as the mystery of what will happen next.  But instead of worrying or obsessing, you decide to just let go and see what occurs.  You choose to take joy in your real life as it unfolds day by day, hour by hour, a heartbeat at a time. …” Well said.

Filed under In My Life, Philosophical, The Bay Area Tagged with , ,

← Older posts

Newer posts →