A Beeline for My Happy Place

January 15, 2013 1 Comment

Way to Work

A Little Solace in the FiDi.

Mama said there would be days like these, so what’s a girl to do?  Apparently, she goes to buy make-up.  In a million years, I would never have thought to communicate in psycho-babble with regularity, but, well, I went to my “happy place.”  That would be the CVS store on California and Sansome, across from the Union Bank building where I previously worked last year.  It was rather convenient, being placed at that particular job because a few of my friends, even my sister-in-law, worked in the same building.  There were some fun times since retrieving booze and beverages from the store for company functions was a task that invited a little envy when bumping into friends, visitors and other occupants alike.

This time I was looking for mineral foundation, and I went to the cosmetics section to try and figure out a new product that would match my skin tone.  I fumbled for a time, tipping and inverting round containers to get a sense of how it might look on my face.  Then, “Ann” came to my rescue.  The CVS sales clerk saw I was having trouble and gave me the kind of customer service I would expect from any retailer worth its weight in gold.  She even removed the packaging and applied some of the make-up on my face to make sure it was the closest match.  Apparently, CVS has a “beauty guarantee” that if the product doesn’t work out, it could be returned regardless of the condition.  I left more than satisfied with my purchase, and I personally gave Ann a ringing endorsement for her helpfulness.

As the week would compel me, I made the same route, turning on California toward Sansome, eyeing the top of the Union Bank building on my left, back to the store.  The following day, I returned with my $4.50 rewards dollars on my CVS card for a pressed powder foundation and Ann’s sage advice.  I asked her what made her so good at her job, and she said passion for products manufactured with a genuine regard for improving lives, not just for expediency and cost-effectiveness.  It’s also her positive attitude that I gravitate toward, and as I manage the challenges of each day, I make no apologies for retreating to my happy place.

Filed under In My Life, Philosophical, The Bay Area

Coping Skills Required

December 24, 2012 Leave a comment

A kind of spiritual totem that I discovered during my lunch hour in the FiDi this year.

Throughout the year, I’ve blogged about dealing with my life, its constant changes, ups and downs.  In the shadows of the heart-breaking school shooting in Newtown, Connecticut and the economic anxiety over the fiscal cliff, it’s so easy to lose it nowadays, and it is all I have to do to make sure my coping skills are enough to withstand the pressure.  Simply walking out the door and crossing streets are exercises in avoiding life-and-death situations.

I’m never going to pretend to know all the answers because really most decisions we make in life are on the gray middle part of the spectrum.  They’re not always black and white.  Every move I make seem to be judgment calls, and it’s their outcomes that determine whether they were good or bad decisions.

I’ve said as much, my life is a work in progress.  Even though I know coping requires being mindful of my thoughts and stepping back and taking a deep breath before I dive in, I’m not always faithful to them, and I inevitably end up making mistakes.  Failing is unavoidable, though, and it’s the lessons we learn, how we pick ourselves up, resolve problems and move on that are the most important things to focus on going forward.

As 2012 comes to a close, I realize how far I’ve come since the end of 2011, when I was devising my plan to get back on my feet.  Like most Americans, I still have my work cut out for myself in 2013.  But at least we outlasted the typically brilliant Mayans’ false prediction of Armageddon on December 21, which brings me to the first coping skill one should always remember: maintain a sense of humor.

Filed under In My Life, Philosophical

A Long Time Coming

November 19, 2012 Leave a comment

Corni & Me on Thanksgiving Day 2006.

 

The term closure has lately become persona non grata, especially when dealing with traumatic experiences and loss.  But when something like it occurs, a kind of catharsis does set in that may even  be required in order to move on.

In my “Lake House” blog entry, I mentioned in passing a late co-worker and friend, with whom I never got a chance to say the things I needed to say or even to bid goodbye.   Her name was Cornelia Rawls, and when I finally got a phone call from her brother, James, today, it was more than a message in a bottle, more like lightning–or should I say a lightening of the soul.

Lean On Me: Corni’s brother James.

 

 

We were definitely close personally and professionally, and James reminded me what it was that made our relationship, especially at work, meaningful.  Since I am back at our old workplace, I don’t feel quite as lost, understanding it is about doing the job well, respecting others and hanging in there when challenges arise.  Corni wasn’t one to suffer fools gladly either, and she certainly spoke her mind when she was wronged.  As I blaze a trail going forward,  as much as I miss her friendship, it’s some of her presence and guidance I am in need of the most.  But comforting is the fact her brother James is still around, and there is still more life to be lived.

Filed under In My Life, Philosophical, The Bay Area

Mistress of Ceremony

October 31, 2012 Leave a comment

Opening Number: “Girl Gone Wild” emerged from floating confessional.

It used to be Madonna invited critical attention from academics (Camille Paglia) and the media alike (when she famously told Ted Koppel on “Nightline” that she was the best person to introduce teens to sex rather than their bewildered parents) as a pop culture and media phenomenon, becoming a mogul and,  I would venture to say, an artist in her own right.

These were some of the thoughts on my mind when I went to my first Madonna concert this month.   Yes, my first one, to the surprise of one of my closest friends, who was privy to my fascination with Madge’s career.

In her various reinventions to maintain her position in the music business, the most heartfelt, I believe, came during a break in the fast-paced, visually arresting action on stage, when she marked that night this month the 30th anniversary of her very first hit “Everybody.” Ironically, the  pop-sounding  dance tune from her self-titled debut album was playing in the car on our way to the concert.  She dove into it as a sing-along and in dominatrix fashion reprimanded one of the hard-core fans  in the triangle pit below the stage for not knowing the words.

Apart from that, this was a Madonna I had never seen before, full of gratitude for a long tenure as essentially pop music’s reigning queen.   Right before my eyes,  I was seeing her evolve just as I had grown up over the years with her music first and foremost and subsequently her cultural and social impact that is still felt today.

Once More with Feeling: Landmark 30th anniversary of her first hit “Everybody.”

She also reminded the crowd to never stop dreaming, which seemed lost on the already jaded audience mostly around my age who weren’t thrilled about waiting for two hours before she finally appeared.  Sure, that was rather prima donna of her (pun intended).  But for someone who admired her from afar for thirty years and hasn’t given up on dreams, she and I finally met that night, understanding what brought us there in the first place.

Filed under In My Life, Philosophical Tagged with

As Autumn Beckons

September 30, 2012 3 Comments

I re-watched “The Lake House” this weekend about a man and a woman living two years apart.  He is trying to catch up to her, and she’s remembering moments that she has forgotten yet have significance in the choices she makes in the present.

2006 © Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc.

A month ago, I was back at my old workplace from six years ago in the same office park by the waterfront. In similar fashion as the movie’s character Kate, it felt surreal–comfortable in the sense I never left but that also things have changed.  For starters, I’ve gone through a transformation underscored by turning another decade old, in addition to the experience gained from jobs and assignments and new family members.

This center certainly has new clients yet retained stalwart familiar ones whom I haven’t forgotten and vice versa.  I used to characterize the cadre of business folks here like the denizens of Miami Beach, which The New York Times once cheekily referred to as having the highest concentration of beautiful people in the United States.  Resonating most, though, are the personal attachments with a few of my stellar managers and a co-worker who passed away after I had left the company.  Although we severed professional and even personal ties before her time came, I found myself reverently pointing to the chair she would have occupied when a client, whom we both knew, dropped by.  In a way, I do miss her.

And then there was the gorgeous golden retriever named Hanna who like clockwork would show up on the lawn, playing fetch with her owner at three in the afternoon when I would usually take a break.  She would come bounding toward me with a wet tennis ball in her teeth and her owner calling her name to return to him and to quit bothering strangers.

Jack and Kate: Dogs just know things.

However, in Hanna’s eyes, I was no such thing maybe because I used to wear a butterscotch-color coat that was similar to her own.  Judging from the huge smile on her lovely face, I was a friendly figure, and she was my savior during rough days.

So on a whim when 3 p.m. came around, I went out to the grassy area right outside the building where she would be frolicking, hoping to see her again.  Alas, Hanna was nowhere to be found.

The leads in “The Lake House” were Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock, but a particular mutt named Jack played a pivotal otherworldly role that Roger Ebert summed up best: “Now about that dog: Dogs live outside of time, don’t you think?”

Filed under In My Life, The Bay Area

Mission Accomplished

September 2, 2012 1 Comment

I wrapped up August attaining what I had set out to do when I first announced my project, Brassring 2.0, by landing a full-time permanent job.  But my quest probably started the day I was laid off in February 2009.  So I actually banked three years what essentially was working out how I felt and viewed work.

For most people, it’s a no-brainer.  You work to earn a living, and if you’re lucky, you work because you love what you do.  Your job is your calling.  But I suppose I was looking for something deeper or more of something that I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.  Then I fell ill on my birthday this year, and it was, of all people, Gloria Steinem who put it in perspective for me to the point that I even wrote a required job essay entitled, “How I Reconciled with Gloria Steinem,” which basically expounded on my blog entry.

There is value in work because of the commitment one brings to the task.  When I worked weekends for three straight weeks in August, there was no question how committed I was to every project no matter what it was.  I also brought a sense of leadership to the job and understanding that I have a life outside of work, but for the time that I am there, I would give my time and talents wholeheartedly.  I found out what I was missing was consciously knowing the intangibles of what makes work worthwhile and even pleasurable and that I myself brought my own signature stamp to a job I would eventually claim.

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An Olympic Spirit

July 29, 2012 Leave a comment

When I was a magazine writer, Olympic champion diver Victoria Manalo Draves was hands-down one of my favorite Olympians whom I had covered.  Delightful to speak with, she had the quintessential Olympic, as well as American, story.

In 2005, I got a call from the City College of San Francisco, asking for a copy of my article because it was honoring Mrs. Draves as outstanding alumna for that spring’s graduation class.  Five years later, she passed away at the age of 85.

All afternoon, I was looking for the beautifully handwritten card she sent me after my article was published that I kept on my desk, but I guess I had stored it when other things started to clutter up the space.  She was such a gracious person, and I am honored to have had gotten to know her, even for a moment for a little ole story.

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Tongue Ties

July 26, 2012 Leave a comment

I’ve always been meaning to learn a second language.  If not for journalism, I would have most likely majored in one, probably Spanish since I studied it for four years in high school.  Language itself is a fascination with me.  It reflects a culture, society and people into which their identities are wholly tied.  Without it, they are just a shell without meaning or understanding.   I don’t believe a classroom could teach me all that I need to know about another language.  More than likely it requires an immersion in another country or a native-speaking community.  But it is a start.

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DCI Jane Tennison: Tough it Out

July 5, 2012 Leave a comment

Top Cop: Helen Mirren as DCI Jane Tennison (photo credit ©Granada Television)

I must be going out of my comfort zone, if I have to cull through my library of DVDs as a distraction or to find a video that mirrors the degree of difficulty I am experiencing.  My go-to last month was the series finale of “Prime Suspect,” the highly successful British crime drama starring Helen Mirren as, dare I say, her signature Detective Chief Inspector Jane Tennison.  For anyone who has followed the series on PBS since the early 1990s, it’s pretty heavy and, for lack of a better word, gritty—exactly what I needed.

In “The Final Act,” the top cop  is about to retire and barely hanging on as the toll of her long and arduous career in law enforcement has her hitting the bottle rather hard.  Her last case before she is thrown out to pasture, as she puts it, is solving the murder of a London teenager, Sallie Sturdy.  When it rains, especially in that city, it pours.   Not only handling a challenging case, she is also juggling her terminally-ill father and the guilt she carries for being an absentee daughter and not fulfilling her father’s wishes.  Jane later reveals to an admiring teenager that her father may have wanted her to go into painting and art—anything but a crime-stopping detective who must deal with human depravity regardless of how high she has climbed.

It was perhaps the fifth time watching this particular series, but this time around I actually felt every thought and emotion that ran across Jane’s face as though I was going through the journey with her.  She bottoms out after a critical error on her part in the investigation, which is tough-sledding at every turn.  She is spat on and called a bitch and drunk to her face, witnesses an old colleague fatally shot in her defense and chases clever yet dangerous teenagers around London.   As people in her life and her career peel away, she finally earnestly participates in an AA meeting—she is the only one who could rescue herself.  It’s a new reality for her, just as things are for me.  And I know, like her, I have to keep moving.  There is no such sweet sorrow saying goodbye to June.  As I start a spanking-new month, it spells relief.

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In Illness, Women Icons a Welcome

June 14, 2012 2 Comments

I got sick at the end of May on my birthday no less, and it wasn’t a tragedy, with the exception of how awful I felt. Nevertheless, I had no choice but to stay at home all weekend and park in front of my TV and recuperate. I was a captive audience, and, well, here are just some highlights:

Gloria Steinem on Oprah’s OWN: I’ve had conflicted feelings with both women, but perhaps as I get older, I’m more forgiving and perceive them more as women of wisdom. In the broadcast, they both appeared at the all-women Barnard College in New York City to discuss their successes, trials and hopes for the younger generation of women. In the 1990s when Oprah was peaking, the catch phrase was finding one’s own voice.  Twenty years later, mine is still a work in progress that is shifting with every experience and my own longevity. Steinem later regrets forgetting to tell the students how their expectations may have to change over time and encourages having more than one career, among others things, in a lifetime. I could certainly vouch for that advice, since my thirties were largely an exploration of where I want to eventually land.

Queen Elizabeth II’s Diamond Jubilee: By contrast, here’s a woman so steadfast that she has stuck around one workplace for 60 years. But the most fascinating thing about this was Sunday on the Thames with 1,000 flotillas, where revelers, the queen included, braved the deluge and cold gray London weather to fete the ruling monarch. It was pretty much a display of deliriously happy Londoners who no doubt would eventually succumb to an illness worse than mine. I felt complete simpatico. The best part was the London Philharmonic Orchestra’s serenade alongside the Queen’s royal barge. Such British anthems as “Land of Hope and Glory” and “Rule Britannia” known throughout the UK, which I was only familiar by ear, were played and sung by an intrepid thoroughly drenched choir, who probably won’t get out of bed for weeks. The queen hung tough, standing for about two hours throughout the celebration.

It’s said your body has a way of telling you something, perhaps to hold up and have a listen, this is important. I’m rationalizing now, but I guess being sick was a way of getting me to slow down, look at the lay of the land, and assess where I am, especially if I’m going on a less-than-desirable path. Maybe I’m taking my work situation too seriously, and maybe I don’t have to do everything that I want to do in a week, like I’m stuffing a sausage. At this point, the valuable lesson I learned is the quality of life supersedes most things, and it’s nice to be reminded of it in the company of this sisterhood.

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