November in some ways was a month of soul-searching, particularly with my alma mater Penn State University taking hits on all sides in regards to the child sex abuse scandal by former coach Jerry Sandusky.  I commiserated with my old PSU roommate Jennifer on Facebook: I feel so heartbroken over what has happened and torn at times. With two little nephews, my heart is with the victims and their families, but I cannot deny how a huge part of it is also with the identity of Penn State, which is PSU football and JoePa. At various times in life after college, I would feel lost, and then I would happen to catch a Nittany Lion football game and things would be right again. I mourn for the (effective) loss of something that gave me so much comfort, as far away (as) I am in the West Coast.

It was in fact my two-year-old nephew Finn who gave me comfort during that horrible week when Joe Paterno was fired, when he told me not be so sad.  I was flabbergasted at how much he comprehends at such a tender age, reminding me how much we have to do right and do better by those most vulnerable to unspeakable crimes.

The story is a fluid one that is still taking shape, and in the meantime, I have to figure things out on my own journey.  This is a year of transitions, since I turned 40 six months ago and as I try to turn a corner on my career.  Life simply moves on, and there is still lots to do.

About Rachelle Ayuyang
I am a writer feeding my soul by doing something I love, mining some of the deepest parts of me to dig up gems and sometimes diamonds in that rough.

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